Emerging From the Cave

Well hello, WordPress…seems you’ve kept yourself busy with sprucing up your features and interface lately. Cool, and just in time for me to do that long-promised blog overhaul. Maybe next week.

See, I have barely emerged from the cave-like existence of graduate school and it is taking some time for me to regain lost mental footing. These days, I struggle with remembering to eat breakfast let alone tackle mentally-intensive tasks like writing or website design.

Stating that I’m “relieved to be done” merely scratches the surface of where I’m at in my post-graduate cogitations, however I do find myself grappling a bit with the change in identity…can’t slap that “grad student” label around willy-nilly anymore. Which honestly feels a little strange. And maybe more than a smidge terrifying, when I think about student loan repayment schedules and whatnot (trying not to hyperventilate here).

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/123004/

But at the end of the day, it is a tremendous accomplishment and something that for a long time, I abstractly believed would never end. The forward momentum required to initiate this degree and stick out some of the tougher moments while simultaneously wading through full-time career work, the parental mysteries of toddlerhood and preschool, and periodic bouts of crippling insomnia and grief-related depression. Anyway, lest I begin to verge upon the sorry state of “wallowing”, the reality is that I am one of the lucky ones…I had a lot going for me such as work-related tuition reduction, a supportive immediate and extended family network, and fantabulous colleagues I could draw on for expertise and assistance.  Nor did I have to write a thesis, take advanced statistics, or wade through any disgusting math classes. So all in all, a smashing success, even if I am mentally toasted and emotionally wiped out.

Anyway, all the naval-gazing aside, last weekend we had a little family get together (with the generous help of Gmom and UB–many thanks!) at our house to celebrate graduation and also K’s first dance recital (another delightful future post in the barrel…stay tuned!). It had the positive side-effect of motivating us to clean the house to a semi-reasonable state and tackle some long-ignored projects (packing away 18 months worth of outgrown little-genius clothing, anyone?). The day was so lovely, filled with laughter, fun and a zillion kids running around like electrocuted cats [that is–noisily bouncing off the walls].  The weather was even “relatively” reasonable, at a mere 95° with a wispy periodic breeze. I’m more grateful than words can express for all the support and love.

So onward and upward…in the short term hopefully to some side-contracted instructional design work, or possibly some adjunct teaching; in the longer term hopefully a position upgrade with my current employer or barring that, a reasonably painless and successful job search.

Or there is always….

Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Benjamin: Yes, sir.
Mr. McGuire: Are you listening?
Benjamin: Yes, I am.
Mr. McGuire: Plastics.

So Much for Weekly Posts

Or alternately titled Not Gone, but Probably Forgotten.

Anyway, due to ongoing time constraints, this post is relegated to a pathetic “I’m still alive” three minute update, and a commitment in writing to get back on track blogwise in the coming weeks. Now, on to the good stuff.

• The powers that be at my graduate program have decided to LET ME OUT! I got notification last night (late last night, otherwise I probably would have gone out for celebratory bar-hopping…) that my applied project received a PASS, which right now to me feels exactly like a parole order from prison. I am not DONE with the semester yet; I still have two weeks of zombie-like sociology coursework to complete, but all the hard stuff is behind me.
• After some recent serious brain-frying cogitation, I decided for a variety of reasons not to walk in the graduation ceremony. I still feel vaguely guilty about this decision even though ultimately I’m the only one who might conceivably have any future regret about it. Honestly, I skipped my undergrad ceremony too and never thought about it twice, so this really isn’t a big deal. The accomplishment remains.
• …HOWEVER, the “now what?” interrogations are just starting. And the fact that I don’t really have any specific answers right now makes this more than a touch irritating; not towards the inquiring parties, but rather more inwardly-focused. I’ve been so utterly driven to finish over the last whatever semesters that the means haven’t begun to connect to the ends yet, in my mind.  Oh shit.
• I should take this moment to thank Björn, ABBA, Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried and all their buddies for getting me through many a difficult homework night, most especially (repetitively) in recent weeks. Without the focusing force of Pierce Brosnan’s eye-twitchy singing performances, I might never have graduated.
• It’s official; I have joined the 30 club. I have a lot of thoughts about this, and have started writing a naval-gazing reflective post. I know you are excited, so stay tuned.
• A few days ago, I broke my cardinal rule about not trimming my daughter’s hair myself. I could not stand her shaggy-dog look anymore; had no time to make a trip to Supercuts; and she wouldn’t let me otherwise constrain it with clips, bands, bows, ties, clasps, barrettes, or hats. The results aren’t terrible, but they aren’t fashion-mag cover material either. I solemnly swear I will take my poor abused child to a proper salon to get further tidied up before her big upcoming dance recital.
• We have infected her entertainment life with Fern Gully. Anyone of a Certain Age remembers this movie with some amount of amusement and horror for its absurd stench of the 90s. Naturally, my daughter loves it, and spends a great deal of time now pretending to be, in fact, a forest fairy.
• Speaking of the little genius, guess what? She is going to be graduating too! And it makes me want to cry! Oh wait, I probably WILL cry on the big day. And we still have no firm answer on which school she’ll be attending in the fall yet. Sigh.
• And for a final thought, all she (desperately) wants from the Easter Bunny this year is a Live! Butterfly! Garden! Ummm, ok, bug-phobic child. And thank you, TV infomercials.

Race to the Finish

Well, there have been a few moments since January when I felt abstractly certain I’d never be able to get through this semester, or ever REALLY get to the end of this master’s program. But I have persevered, and despite an impressively messy house, sporadic stress-induced insomnia, and enough caffeine to jump start a truck, I am: nearly to the finish line! If I can maintain a moderately reasonable level of sanity and motivation for the next *10* days, I will pretty much be in the clear. Yes, I still have to mop up the rest of my soul-suckingly dull sociology course work, but the crux of the capstone experience will be over. Thank whatever powers that be, and their little dogs too.

And naturally, I have a whole long list of goals and tasks in mind once this ordeal is over and I can breathe again.

But anyhoo, enough of that tediousness. Mainly I wanted to touch again on the little genius school hunt chronicles.

So as mentioned before, during last year’s freakout, we narrowed the local options to two main contenders. We visited the first one in early February, and submitted the enrollment interest form. The meet-n-greet information session was OK, but somehow a bit underwhelming.  And then a couple weeks ago, we finally got to attend the tour/meet-n-greet for the other school, henceforth referred to as CharterB.

So, CharterB is based on a Waldorf curriculum system, but not what you might call cultishly adherent. I had some little familiarity with the precepts of Waldorf from talking to other parents who’d sent their kids to that type of school. I have to say that I am personally on board with the notions of a more holistic approach, at least for the foreseeable early education years, in which I think nurturing the creativity, discovery-learning, and play skills should be foremost priorities.  So I was pretty excited to see that there was a Waldorf charter school within a reasonable travel distance from our home.

Anyway, back to the meet-n-greet. We decided to make it a family affair, and let K skip a day of preschool to attend the tour with us. In retrospect, I probably should have prepared FF with a little background information on the nature and style of Waldorf educational environments. To be honest, yes, their campus is, in FF’s words, a total flaming hippie zone. But it is really quite charming and lovely, complete with organic garden, chickens, goats, beehives, mini-pond and lots of grass to roll in, and trees to climb (yes, they really do explicitly state in the tour that your children will be encouraged to climb trees.) It was like stepping into a total alternate dimension for a couple hours, albeit a charming and weirdly peaceful alternate dimension [must be all that rhythmic bong-hitting], in which academics are important of course, but only in relation to the whole of the experience. K, of course, was enchanted by the whole thing. She desperately wanted to bring home every chicken, leaf, rock, and interesting stick encountered throughout the entire tour. She, however, did NOT hear the bit about school recommendations to completely remove “media” from your young child’s life (that is: all TV, computer, video game, or mobile device activities). FF just about choked when he heard that tidbit. We’re both pretty sure the crazy-saavy little genius would not be easily parted completely from her beloved Hula people, Angry Birds, or Nina & Star.

On that day, I made the startling realization that without certain aspects of maturity that only parenting has granted me, I would have been weirded out beyond reckoning by the whole thing. But instead, I was amused and charmed in equal measures, and find myself still hoping that the little genius will be able to get a coveted spot on the enrollment list. FF was a little shellshocked by the whole thing, but still seems in agreement that a couple years there would be a nurturing and positive experience for the little genius. Especially as she is all nature-crazy these days (hopefully more about this in an upcoming post), and she’d probably spend every moment happily sowing and weeding their organic garden, if they’d let her.

Potentially not the kind of academic solution I’d choose beyond the first couple years, but I think perhaps just the thing for now. So we’ll see.

Maybe, just maybe, I won’t lose my mind after all.

Just As You Are Feeling Your Worst

So it’s been no picnic inside my head lately. Financial stresses, job frustrations, and a healthy amount of academic insanity. Oh and did you hear? My master’s program is phasing out the requirement to even DO A CAPSTONE PROJECT. But of course, that doesn’t go into effect until FALL. And oh by the way, we announced this too far past the deadline to add/drop without screwing your financial aid. And then there is the IRB which you didn’t think you’d need to submit, but then surprise! yes, yes you do need IRB review! and hey, why not drag it out a whole week + past the proposal review date! Why not?  Wall, meet head.

But anyway, none of that is the point of this post. See, as I was marinating in my frustrations last night, my awesome little bro (AKA Uncle Bubba) called me up with great excitement in his voice and said “YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!!!” And he then proceeded to tell me about a promotional bit he just saw on Food Network: an upcoming CHOPPED ALL STAR 5-PART BATTLE! Now, to those of you who are not Chopped aficionados (I can’t imagine why not), you might not realize that the mere announcement of this special series is enough to get excited about.  But wait, there’s MORE!!!

AWESOME

One day last June, UB and I were verbally dissecting the latest episode of Chopped, and we started talking about how AWESOME it would be if they had some kind of special all-star battle in which the chef judges came down from their lofty judging seats and competed themselves to donate the prize to their charity of choice.  The more we talked about this idea, the cooler it sounded and the more excited we got, and finally I decided, what the hell…I’m gonna go online and email the Food Network! AND I DID! And I got a lovely auto-response email back from my detailed idea submission. And lo and behold 9ish months later, I’ll be damned if this special series isn’t almost EXACTLY what I proposed in my email, except for the number of rounds and the inclusion of a few other celebrity chef contestants. So I don’t think I can take ALL the credit for this most exciting, awesome, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious TV development….but I’m sure as hell gonna stake my claim on a tiny little bit of it!

Take that, bad mood!

Only a Week Behind

Well, as stated in the last post, my spring semester goal was to try and hit one post a week.   I figured that even if I couldn’t blog to the extent I’d prefer, at least a structured schedule would give me that little bit of disciplined stability I crave.  And then….yeah. So the first part of this semester is dedicated to jamming out the formal proposal paper for my capstone applied project…yes, that same unholy beast that kept me awake many a night over holiday break.  I have a psuedo-clear picture in my mind of what it will entail now, but the realization of said plan turned a little more complicated than I expected, so I have spent the last couple weeks freaking out (a lot), completing a human-subjects research training course, and filing a ton of internal review board (IRB) applications.  WTF? Very confusing stuff, and nothing I originally expected to need for this process, but hopefully it will yield some delicious professional fruit down the road. Hard to say right now.

Anywho, I have to be honest and also say that lately my down time / entertainment mechanism has shifted away from favorite DVR’d shows due to waning interest on my part, the cancellation of a couple favorites (Medium, RIP. I may never recover from the trauma of your series finale episode. sob.), and of course general lack of time.  So, what other activity fills the late-night need to detox from textbooks, research designs, evaluation instruments, and pretend play with the five year old genius? Why yes, internet, I have resumed MMORPGing with FF on a limited basis. It’s brainless in real-world terms, but demands more immersion and interaction than TV, and diverts my brain from other stresses better than books.  And I go through books too quickly to keep enough new material around anyway. (One of my longtime fantasies is a deserted island with nice weather, a sturdy hammock, and a VIP comped Amazon account.)

So how to close a post with little to no substance or topical organization? Why, with pictures of course. Who doesn’t like fresh(ish) pictures?

A cute Vegas pic, post-M&M world visit. Everyone say hi to the random drunk people in the backdrop.

Beautiful ballerina! She loves getting all girl-ified for dance class. ONLY for dance class.

We scored the cutest baby penguin chick you ever saw at Target! The penguin family is happily expanding.

Barber shop time, Dad! The awesome irony is when you observe how horrifyingly messy her own head is.

She has been diligently trying to master the fine art of bubble blowing.